Window Seat
by Laugh Like You Aren't Breaking
Summary: Because she knew that she had to say goodbye sometime.  Uploaded as part of SAFARI SLAM weekend! Bade!


_(A/N: Hello! Unpredictable Mabel here! Anyways, so I was actually gonna post this one-shot this weekend anyways, and I heard about SAFARI SLAM weekend, and the people that organized it said I could post it as part of that :) Thanks! Soo I know I should really be updating my other stories, but I'm still kind of shaken up after this whole accident at camp and being taken off trail and I have to start school soon and my life is just very crazy right now, so for the next month or so still I'm probably going to stick to one-shots and all. I'm really sorry! Anyways, enjoy this Bade fanfiction, and happy SAFARI SLAM weekend!)_

Three months. That was how long she'd been surviving without Beck. Three months, and the first thing she heard when she woke up in the morning was his beautiful laugh. Every night as she succumbed to sleep (Not that she did very often, it just hurt too much), she swore she could feel his soft lips kissing her forehead just like he had every night. His parents had moved the RV out of his driveway. Jade was too scared to ask what they'd done with it.

It seemed like he'd never left at times. His locker was still there, the clear glass. Jade had stolen the sweatshirt he'd left hanging, because it smelled like him and she missed that smell with all her heart. Otherwise, though, it was like he'd never left. His books were still there, along with the screenwriting assignment for Mrs. Robin's class he'd never gotten a chance to turn in. When Jade walked into the Asphalt Café, she always seemed to gravitate towards their old table, but then she'd correct herself and walk over to the other side, where she couldn't see their table. It hurt too much to remember all the times she'd sat there with him.

As for their friends, they didn't really talk to Jade much anymore. She'd ignored them after he'd left, and they'd made an effort to still talk to her, but she knew that they were Beck's friends, not hers. She didn't want to talk to them anyways. Cat, having the oblivious five-year-old-mind that she had, would still say hi when she passed Jade in the hallways, but the others didn't give her a second glance. She wore his sweatshirt every day, with a pair of jeans that anybody could tell were too big for her. She couldn't bring herself to wash them. Everybody ignored her nowadays, and she was fine with that. She ignored them too.

"Jade West to the guidance counselor's office," a voice called over the intercom. She groaned, startling the freshman standing by her. It was nice of Lane to try to help, but she didn't need his sympathy.

"So, Jade," Lane began as she sat down. "How have you been?"

Jade stared at him, silent.

"Right," Lane answered his own question. "Stupid question, huh? Look, Jade, I'm not going to tell you to just move on already, but I think there are little things that might help you to say goodbye to Be-."

"Don't say his name," Jade interrupted, her own voice sounding foreign to her.

"Him, then," Lane corrected. "And if you want to talk, or cry, or anything, my door is always open. Anyways, would you like to hear some of my ideas?"

Jade looked at him again. "No," she replied.

"Well I'm going to tell you anyways," Lane told her. "So, you seem to be, you know, wearing his clothes. I asked Cat to bring an extra set of clothes today. Do you want to go change?"

Jade shook her head, but Lane was already pushing her out the door. She rolled her eyes, looking down at the clothes Cat had brought her. It was a light blue sundress. Blue was his favorite color.

"I'm not wearing this," she informed the guidance counselor.

Lane sighed, glancing at her face. "Jade, it's been three months and you're still in pain as though he died yesterday," he replied sadly.

"Sure feels like it."

"I know, Jade, but you've still got your life ahead of you! You're graduating in six months. Aren't you excited?" Lane asked.

Jade shrugged.

"And I notice you've been doing better in school!" he exclaimed.

"It's what he would've wanted," Jade explained quietly, a tear threatening to slip from her eye. No. She never cried around anybody but Beck. Except for that one time he was gone and she was forced to go to Vega.

Then reality hit her. Beck was gone again. This time, for real. Forever and ever and then some. She slid down on the wall, head in her hands.

"He's gone," she whispered. Lane nodded sadly. "But I loved him," Jade protested weakly.

"Sometimes life's funny like that. It tries to test you in all sorts of different ways you're not ready for."

"But I loved him," Jade repeated, staring at his locker across the hall. It seemed to taunt her, every day, reminding her that Beck should be right over there stashing his books or kissing her or talking to their friends, but he wasn't.

Lane followed her eyes to his locker. He sighed sadly, seeing the tears welling up in her eyes. Strong, strong, strong Jade West's eyes. Jade never cried. He looked at the clothing she was wearing, Beck's clothing. He'd never seen anything like it before. They'd truly been in love. It was awful how life worked sometimes. Taking the best things away from you just when you finally think that you have them.

"I know," he told Jade, patting her on the back. "I know."

Jade knelt in front of the cold stone, wearing a white sundress. She couldn't bring herself to wear black this time. No. She would wear white, so she could be his angel to guide him up into Heaven.

"Goodbye, Beck," she whispered, fingering her promise necklace as she laid his sweatshirt and jeans on the gravestone. She knew he'd been wearing his promise necklace when he was buried. She had promised to love him forever, and that's just what she'd do. She'd just have to do it from a distance.

"But what if she's not okay?" he protested, glancing at the beautiful dark-haired girl standing up and slowly walking away with Lane.

"She will be, Beck. Trust me." A voice said from behind him. It broke his heart, that voice, exactly like Jade's. He turned around, looking into her gorgeous blue eyes that he missed so very much. The angel had explained that he'd always envisioned an angel as being exactly like Jade, so his guardian angel had taken on Jade's form.

"But what if she's not?" Beck asked anxiously.

"She'll be just fine. And you know what? She has her whole life in front of her," the angel replied. "She's going to be amazing, and I promise you'll get a window seat to watch it from up there. It's time to go, though. She's holding on because she knows you are. You need to do this, for Jade."

"For Jade," Beck repeated, hurrying to catch up with his girlfriend, who had slumped down against a tree holding her promise necklace tight. He smiled, grabbing his identical one that would never leave his neck for the rest of eternity.

He bent down, kissing her forehead softly, even though he knew she couldn't feel it.

"Goodbye, Jade," he whispered in her hear. She couldn't hear him, of course, but he had to. It wouldn't feel right without saying goodbye to her.

She nodded her head, almost as if it was a silent response, telling him to go ahead. She smiled softly, letting go of her promise necklace. Beck did the same, turning to greet his angel. The angel took his hand, and they walked off, off to start a new life in Heaven, to let Jade be the amazing woman she'd turn out to be, to let her move on with her life. He looked back once, before she disappeared for good. She almost seemed to be staring straight at him as she lifted her hand in a wave. Beck smiled and her, dipping his head as the angel led him off one last time. It was time to let Jade start her life, and even though it didn't include him, he knew it would be an incredible one.

"Jade West soon-to-be Ellington!" Tori called, banging on the locked door of Jade's room. "Hurry up! You cannot be late for your own wedding!"

Jade sighed, standing up to let her friend in. She and Tori had become a lot closer after Beck died, since Tori's dad had died around the same time; even close enough for Jade to choose Tori for her maid of honor.

"Jade, you're not even dressed!" Tori shrieked. She stopped when she realized what Jade was holding. It was an old photo from high school, of all of their gang. Jade was laughing, and Beck's arms were wrapped tightly around her. "Oh, Jade," she began, her voice softening. Jade's other hand clutched the promise necklace, the one she never took off. "You can't start on this now…"

Jade shook her head, standing up. "You're right," she told Tori. "I can't be missing him now. I'm marrying Michael and I can't be missing an old high school boyfriend-."

"Stop right there," Tori interrupted, sitting down next to Jade. "Beck wasn't a high school boyfriend to you. Stop trying to fool yourself."

Jade shrugged. "I just wish he was here," she admitted. "Even if it's not him at the end of that aisle, I wish he could be here."

"I know how that feels," Tori agreed. "I mean, my mom walked me down the aisle, but it just wasn't the same without Dad there."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," Jade replied. "But he would be really proud of you!"

"As would Beck of you," Tori told her. Jade smiled, laughing a bit.

"It's funny, how you almost think you're over it and then, something small reminds you and it starts to hurt all over again."

Tori nodded. "That's the way life works," she said.

"Yeah, well, life sucks sometimes, Vega," Jade whispered.

"You just gotta hold your head high and try to get through it," Tori finished. It was this little quote she and Jade had come up with together. Jade nodded, smiling sadly. "Now, little Mrs. Ellington, you ready to go get married?"

"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess," Jade told her, standing up. She slipped into her dress silently; then walked out of the room slowly, Tori following behind her.

As Jade walked down to meet her husband that day, memories flashed through her mind of all the times she and Beck had talked about getting married. She clutched that promise necklace as she walked, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She wasn't about to forget Beck, she could never do that. What they had was special, something she knew she would never find again. But she was ready to completely let go, move on for real. She'd always take a part of him with her, but maybe that part would be tucked away a little bit now that she had Michael.

She would never tell Michael about Beck: that was something reserved for stormy nights when she was tucking her grandchildren in bed, long after Michael had been buried in a graveyard as far away from Beck as was possible. She would tell the story with glistening eyes, clutching the necklace that she never removed from her neck, no matter what happened. And looking down on her from his window seat, she could feel Beck doing the same thing.


End file.
